Gross House Department: Would You Buy A Mattress Boasting a Heart-Shaped Placenta Stain?

Share News:

If this doesn’t cement the fact that Duxiana is the best bed ever,I do not know what will. OK, kind of weird-ass here, but bear with me. Have you ever slept at someones’ house (as I did recently) and changed the sheets, only to find the mattress pad was grotesquely stained? Now I am married to an obstetrician: it takes a lot to gross me out. But I will place layers of towels over something like that, even under the sheets, then pop an Ambien. (Hint: check the mattress pad on your guest room bed. Buy a new one at Tuesday Morning for like $20 if it’s gross.) So I almost gagged when I saw that someone in Dallas is selling was selling, post removed, on Craig’s List a Tempur-pedic bed with a “heart-shaped” placenta stain for $500. To explain away the groddy stains on one side of the foam — and a huge reason why I don’t like foam beds — this is how the sellers spun it:

“Although there are some slightly noticeable afterbirth stains on one side of the mattress (see bottom picture), they have been thoroughly sanitized and are also shaped like a heart. This could be a romantic addition for anyone looking to add that extra spark to your love life. Placenta/bloodstains easily covered by your favorite linens. Whether you are looking for a good-luck charm to help with a child of your own or simply recognize the luxurious comfort of a top-quality mattress at a superb value, this mattress is sure to satisfy.”

Don’t you agree the seller deserves an award for a brilliant marketing approach? But seriously folks: who’s going to pay $500 for a bed bearing a “romantic” placenta stain. And does that mean the previous owner gave birth on the bed at home?

This is another reason why I so love the Dux beds. They have a mattress top-pad (like a pillow top that comes off) that can be cleaned and even replaced apart from the mattress. By the way, the Swedish-made mattresses last for generations. Duxianas are made with two miles of continuous steel wire to make up 4980 springs in the bed. (Most mattresses have 1000 springs.) The latex is natural rubber and well away from the top-pad, so less chance of “placenta” staining.  Synthetic foam may feel great and conform to your body, but it stains easily and you can never scrub it off without destroying it. Once I cleaned a foam mattress with Clorox and it actually dissolved.

I donated the bed, pre Craig’s List. Too bad I didn’t have the cajones to sell that mattress and spin it with something like:

“Though this mattress appears to have been gnawed by an animal, it’s really just the result of a few impassioned nights. You, too, can rev up your engines with a toss in the old sheets on this mattress because they will cover up any imperfections, completely.”

Duxiana top-pad: cleanable, replaceable

Candy Evans, founder and publisher of CandysDirt.com, is one of the nation’s leading real estate reporters.

18 Comments

  1. Matress pic | Jimrunsdorf on August 24, 2011 at 7:05 am

    […] Gross House Department: Would You Buy A Mattress Boasting a … […]

  2. Matress pic | Jimrunsdorf on August 24, 2011 at 7:05 am

    […] Gross House Department: Would You Buy A Mattress Boasting a … […]

  3. JT on August 24, 2011 at 10:22 am

    Gross – no way!

  4. JT on August 24, 2011 at 10:22 am

    Gross – no way!

  5. shelly on August 24, 2011 at 10:23 am

    No I would not buy a heart shaped bed or any foam beds due to unlikely story I had with a foam mattress. Note that people just don't know what really is until they have it.

  6. shelly on August 24, 2011 at 10:23 am

    No I would not buy a heart shaped bed or any foam beds due to unlikely story I had with a foam mattress. Note that people just don't know what really is until they have it.

  7. Lisa on August 24, 2011 at 10:37 am

    There is nothing remotely romantic about rolling around on someone else's placenta stain. I gross out when I find crumbs on a table in a pulic arena! Besides, I thought it was unlawful to re-sell used matresses?? Does it make it better that the stain is hear-shaped? No! The only heart-shaped thing I'll be lying on is my own butt….in my own, clean bed 🙂

  8. Lisa on August 24, 2011 at 10:37 am

    There is nothing remotely romantic about rolling around on someone else's placenta stain. I gross out when I find crumbs on a table in a pulic arena! Besides, I thought it was unlawful to re-sell used matresses?? Does it make it better that the stain is hear-shaped? No! The only heart-shaped thing I'll be lying on is my own butt….in my own, clean bed 🙂

  9. Candy Evans on August 24, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    Only new, factory-wrapped beds in our house hold!

  10. Candy Evans on August 24, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    Only new, factory-wrapped beds in our house hold!

  11. […] published this story over on CandysDirt.com, because someone in Dallas was trying to sell a used mattress on Craig’s list with a […]

  12. […] published this story over on CandysDirt.com, because someone in Dallas was trying to sell a used mattress on Craig’s list with a […]

  13. Love Cool Heart Shaped on August 24, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    […] Gross House Department: Would You Buy A Mattress Boasting a … Share the Love So I almost gagged when I saw that someone in Dallas is selling was selling, post removed, on Craig's List a Tempur-pedic bed with a “heart-shaped” placenta stain for $500. To explain away the groddy […]

  14. Love Cool Heart Shaped on August 24, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    […] Gross House Department: Would You Buy A Mattress Boasting a … Share the Love So I almost gagged when I saw that someone in Dallas is selling was selling, post removed, on Craig's List a Tempur-pedic bed with a “heart-shaped” placenta stain for $500. To explain away the groddy […]

  15. Jennifer on August 24, 2011 at 11:21 pm

    Unbelievable! 🙂

  16. Jennifer on August 24, 2011 at 11:21 pm

    Unbelievable! 🙂

  17. paul li on September 5, 2011 at 10:52 am

    Nice mattress.
    <a href="http://mattressfoundation.org/">mattress foundation</a>

  18. paul li on September 5, 2011 at 10:52 am

    Nice mattress.
    <a href="http://mattressfoundation.org/">mattress foundation</a>

Leave a Comment